“Start of the School Year: The Pit in the Stomach Comes Back”

From Dr. Richard Selznick’s (www.drselz.com) most recent blog….

“So with the start of the school year, here are a five guidelines to get you through:

1.      Breathe deep a lot – meditate – calm it down.  Look, homework is going to make you crazy.  Try not to bite on the hook.  For the child who has boring homework, seeing you go off is entertaining.  Don’t give it to him.

2.      Ask yourself, is the work in the kid’s zone of competence?  If it is not, if it is simply too hard for the child even with some parental  support, then send it back to the teacher with a polite note saying that the work is above the child’s head.

3.      If the answer to #2 is yes, then it’s the child’s problem.    Repeat after me the following mantra to say to your child, “You’re a big boy (or girl).  You can manage your homework.  If you choose not to, that’s your choice, but I will have to write a note to your teacher telling her what you chose.”

4.      Pecking doesn’t work.  Pecking, badgering, cajoling, nagging, yelling generally do not work.  Focus on the mantra in #3.  If the child chooses not to do the work, don’t  get caught up in it.  Put the problem where it belongs – on the child.

5.      Link “give and you get” messages.   Do you think like I do that modern kids are living pretty comfy lives?  It strikes me that the arrangement we have with our kids is pretty one-directional (in the kid’s benefit).  Start changing the direction by stating,  “This year I am tracking you each night on the calendar.  It’s either ‘yes’ or ‘no’ in terms of effort and taking care of yourself.  Good things come to people who have a lot of “yes” showing up on the calendar – we do fun things. When there is a lot of ‘no,’ it’s going to be very boring around here.  Which do you prefer?”

So, pour yourself a glass of wine, put your feet up and remember…summer’s not all that far off”